knit and tonic

Wish I Were More Like a Horse in One Way Only

I have been walking a regular loop for weeks now, and although I could go farther, I can only afford about 30 - 35 minutes time a day what with all the junk I have to do. So lately, I've been using my Nike+ (which I highly recommend!) and pushing the envelope a little bit because it seems like whenever I'm rounding the last corner I've only walked, say 27 minutes instead of 30, and me being the perfectionist that I don't think I am but people tell me I am, I try to add a little bit at the end.

But every time I add an extra hill or loop, I come home and maybe I've walked an extra minute! And I've walked an extra minute but an extra half mile! What's up with that? Am I like a horse in the way that on the way home, I go faster?

For example, yesterday, I added a super steep, and I mean SUPER steep hill, thinking I could add at least seven minutes to my total. And when I say steep, I mean steep. To give you an idea, I play music the same tempo as how fast I'm going and I was forced to tune into Zapp and Roger's "More Bounce to the Ounce" to get up that hill, it was so steep.

So, I trudge up that dang hill and nearly expire moments before the apex and head on home. Then, when I get to my doorstep and turn on my Nike+ to see how many minutes I've walked, Lance Armstrong's voice comes on and says: "Congratulations, you have completed your course at your fastest pace yet!" and then the usual guy's voice comes on and says, "You completed 2.76 miles in 34 minutes."

Thirty-four lousy minutes? Thirty-four? That's all that hill gave me? Thirty-four?

Speaking of heading home faster than on the way out like a horse: I wish I were that way with my knitting projects. I tell you what: I start fast but I end slow. I just finished a men's sweater, and other than the fact that this was the biggest sweater I ever knit, that sucker took so long that I thought I was going to die. Never mind HWWV kept on asking to try it on (I told him no; I don't want to see it on someone yet for fear I'd have to re-knit parts of it). It took me 10 days which is a long time for me when I knit full time for the book. Thankfully, I have now put that behind me and have cast on for something else, and today, although I knit for an entire day, I managed maybe a 17" x 4" rectangle, if that. Oy.

Add to that, whenever I'm super busy with things I have to do, I seem to start projects that I have no business doing. The other day, I went to Supercrafty.com and bought a couple Amy Butler sewing patterns (Note: Nearly everything in her shop is 20 - 50 percent off; even the Amy Butler patterns are much less than retail right now). Then, I went nuts on Fabric.com and bought some of the Amy Butler fabric to make aprons. Aprons? . . . Aprons?

Someone, please, put me out of my misery.

BTW: When I was out back taking this picture, my neighbor climbed up her hill on the other side of the fence and watched me through a small hole in the fence. I heard her sneak up on her trailer rocks, "squish, squeak, squish, squish," and then I heard a few thumps. I didn't dare turn around and look at that fence, but guess who did? Rocko. Rocko walked right up to the hole in the fence and stuck his nose right on through. I hope she doesn't mind dog breath.

I Love You

I always see those videos of dogs howling and the owners claiming that the dog said "I love you," etc., but I never got it until we had a dog who howls on demand. And it isn't the sound that gets him to howl, meaning, nothing's hurting his ears. I know this because he'll howl in his sleep.

Thanksgiving was good, and was low key, just like we like it. 

Slippers and a Red Vest

You can always tell I'm not getting out much when my blog goes quiet. In fact, I have not been getting out so much that yesterday I didn't even bother taking off my slippers.

Until after I got back from the grocery store.

Oh well. It had to happen at some point in time. 

I remember, all day, saying to myself as I looked down at my slippers: "Wendy, remember to take your slippers off before you leave the house."

And next thing I know, I'm doing the dishes after dinner and I look down at my slippers, and, well, you know.

I've been so busy knitting for the next book that I'm actually getting frustrated by not being able to show you all the projects that I've been working on. A couple weeks ago, however, I knit a vest for myself, one that I just wanted to have on hand. Knowing that I couldn't devote more than a few days of knitting to something not book related, I thought I'd stick to a project that would only take 2 or 3 balls of yarn and this is what I came up with. I don't know if I should make a self-tie belt or not--I still have enough yarn left over--so we shall see.

BTW: It's Ella Rae Superwash. I used only three balls, I think. I will have to weigh it and see for sure. Oh, and sorry I didn't take a picture of me wearing it. The red color--which is much more of a berry in person--clashes with my slippers.

Knitting Two Socks at a Time: Making Heels the No-Fuss Way

The only time things can get tricky when knitting two socks at a time is when you do the heel flap, turn and gusset shaping. That's why I get out my trusty dpn's or skewers and place one cuff on hold while I work the heel flap on the other sock. Now, that doesn't mean you can't do the two heel flaps and heel turns at once, because it is totally do-able. In fact, I'll do them that way depending upon my mood or if I'm a car and I don't want to transfer the stitches, or for whatever reason that pops up. I'll show you how I do it one at a time here. Note the one completed heel on hold in the picture below.

Working a heel flap works the same as if you were using double-points, except one half the sock stitches are placed on one needle for the instep and the other half are placed on a needle for the heel. Once the cuff is the correct length, with the wrong side facing you, begin working your heel flap on one needle only, the one that you designate as the "heel" needle. Continue working your heel flap on one needle only (with the other needle dangling and unused) until the flap is complete. On the next wrong side row, begin to turn your heel the way you normally turn it (using short rows, typically). Once that is complete, you will have one last right side row to finish.

Work to the end of the last right side row to complete the heel turn, then, using the same "heel" needle, pick up and knit stitches up the gusset to the "instep" stitches. Drop the "heel" needle and knit across the instep stitches.

 

To complete the process, drop your "instep" needle and pick up the working side of the "heel" needle and pick up and knit stitches along the free gusset down to the heel. Then, knit the stitches on the "heel" needle to the last three stitches and make your first gusset decrease, usually a k2tog, then k1. Drop your "heel" needle and then knit the instep stitches on your "instep" needle to the end. Drop it, then, using the working end of the "heel' needle, k1, then ssk to complete your first decrease "round" of gusset shaping. Continue working this way and work your gusset decreases on every other round until the number of heel stitches match the number of stitches on the "instep" needle.

Work one round even and then place these stitches on "hold" and work the other sock on the two circulars as before. Once both heels are complete, carefully place the on-hold stitches back onto the two circulars in tandem as you did with the cuffs and work the body of the sock until you are ready to make the toe decreases, which are done at the same time and are super easy and fast to do when the two socks are worked at the same time.

 

There is no hard and fast rule about how to separate your stitches. Some guides will tell you to place one half of the instep stitches onto one needle, and to place one-half of the heel stitches on that same needle with a stitch marker to separate them. For me, it makes more sense to devote one needle for the insteps and one needle for the heels and to remember to make decreases for the gusset one stitch before the beginning and end of the "heel" needle, but if it makes more sense for you to use markers and separate the two sides, go ahead and do that, instead.

Stay Tuned for "Knitting Two Socks at a Time: Aren't You Glad You're Finished?"

Knitting Two Socks at a Time: Getting Started

I wonder if the reason some people avoid knitting two socks at one time is because getting started seems difficult or confusing. "How do you cast on for two socks at once?" is a question I hear over and over, and guess what? I don't know how to cast on for two socks at once, and to be honest, I don't really want to know. There's already too much stuff floating around in my brain and the fewer facts, moves and tricks in there to confuse me, the better.

I'm sure there are tons of super hero knitters who can cast on for two at once without even looking, but when I finally decided that I couldn't allow the so-called Second Sock Syndrome to enter my home ever again and that the only solution was to work two at one time, I skipped right over the fancy casting-on part and took the practical and no-nonsense approach, instead.

 

The first step? I cast on for one sock onto two circulars, (one half of the stitches are on one needle and the other half are on the other) and work the cuff, in the round, for about four rounds. Then, I simply get two double point needles or a couple skewers and transfer the stitches on over. Then, I cast on for the other sock onto the two circulars and work the second cuff, in the round, for the same number of rounds.

 

The second step I take is to carefully transfer the first cuff back onto the two circulars, being sure that the working yarn is on the back needles, as shown, so both socks are ready to go, and in the same starting place.

I begin working the cuff, two socks at a time, in tandem. (See my last post for resources on working in the round using two circulars.) Working two at a time is easy, but you have to pay attention. You work the first half of one cuff, drop its yarn, and then scoot the second cuff toward your left needle tip and pick up the next ball of yarn and work the front part of the second cuff.

Carefully, turn the needles clockwise so that the working balls of yarn are again on the back needle (see pic above) and repeat the process. When this side is complete, turn the whole shebang counter-clockwise so you don't twist the yarn. Repeat. Continue working the cuffs, side by side, until you are ready to work the heels.

 

Tips for keeping the two balls of yarn from twisting:

• keep one ball of yarn on your right side and one ball of yarn on your left
• do not turn the work in the same direction each "row," instead turn back and forth
• when it isn't convenient to have balls of yarn on either side of you, place one ball of yarn in your project bag on your lap, and place the other ball of yarn outside of it, also on your lap
• OR, put the yarn balls in two separate ziploc bags inside your project bag and keep all bags slightly open on your lap

Tips for keeping needles separate*

• use two different lengths of circulars
• use two different types of circulars, i.e., one bamboo, one metal or plastic
• use two different colors of circular needles
• each time you begin knitting a new "row" tug on the left-hand needle to make sure that you feel the "tug" on the other side. If not, you may have picked up the wrong needle.

*If you prefer to use the magic loop method, and understand how to do it, by all means, use just one long needle instead of two!

Next Post: Knitting Two Socks at a Time: Making the Heels the No-Fuss Way

EDITED TO ADD: Here is a pic of what it would look like if you are working with two socks on Magic Loop. Note, the needles shown are a bit too short for comfortable "Magic Loop." (I think they're about 20")

Knitting Two Socks at a Time: Supplies

When I knit two socks at a time (or two mittens or two hats, etc.), I typically use the same few items. And because I have a lot of knitting supplies around, it isn't too much of a burden to me. Yet, if you don't have all the junk that I have, you can still knit two socks at time provided you have at least one long circular needle or two circular needles of the same size (it's actually preferable to have them at different lengths though; will explain later).

Understanding how to knit in the round with one long circular or two circulars is something I'm going to assume that you know how to do. If you are looking for advice on how to go about it, Google it, or look at many of the online knitting help sites. Trust me, there are tons. The way I learned was to read an article or two online; I don't know if they're there anymore because this was a long time ago, but it isn't as "magical" as one would think. It works the same way that double-points work, but with just two ends of one needle or two needles and their four ends.

Here are some videos.

A list of supplies:

• Enough sock yarn for a pair of socks, wound into two balls
• Two circular needles in the same size, but preferably with two different lengths* OR one long circular
• Two double pointed needles in the same size as the circulars (smaller is okay)

If you don't have the double points, then go find yourself a couple skewers from the kitchen or a tapestry needle with some waste yarn. These will fill in nicely if you don't have the double points on hand.

Why the extra needles? I use double points to place one of the sock stitches of one sock on hold while I perform certain tasks that are easier when working just one sock at time, such as casting on, getting a cuff started in the round, and working heel short rows. The double points basically act as a "holder." If you don't have double points, use skewers or place the stitches on hold using waste yarn and a tapestry needle. You could even use stitch holders.

*When working in the round using two circulars instead of just one long one, sometimes it is easier to find your working needle's end if the needles are differing lengths. When reaching for the working needle, especially if one of them is shorter than the other, it'll be easier to identify. Further, a lot of knitters don't like to buy two of one item (especially if it isn't totally necessary). When purchasing two needles with two different lengths, you can use the shorter one for sleeves or items with smaller circumferences. I typically use one that is about 16-20" long and another that is about 29" long. I've even been known to use one metal and one bamboo, just to make the "reaching for" a bit easier.

BTW: I will compile all the information that I'm putting forth in blog posts into a pdf tutorial thingy. So, don't think you have to knit along or anything.

Bad Yogis/Bad Knitters

I just came from lunch with a friend. Before we met she was at the drug store and called me on the phone and asked me what I'd suggest she have her pre-pubescent son use on his face (he's beginning to break out). I said some sort of mild wash, blah blah blah, and when we met up, she pulled a packet of Oil of Olay make-up wipes out of her purse and said: "I got him these, what do you think?"

I read the package out loud: "Removes make-up, . . and leaves behind a fresh, dewy feeling," or something to that effect.

. . . Any rate, that whole "I hate yoga" thing: I don't hate it per se, I just don't like what it does to my brain, or who I become when I'm laying there anticipating more interruptions. I don't mind the occasional moaner or snorer; those are bonuses, if you ask me. But the anticipation of rudeness makes me lay there all stiff kinda like a dog who knows they're being dragged out into the backyard for a bath, and I don't like it. I'm not a good yogi like others seem to be. I'm on the fence if I will continue it, but I figure, at least, I'm recognizing some of my weaknesses and will shut up about it, soon, I promise.

Like the bad yogis, there are the bad knitters who scream: "HELP! SOS! Dropped stitch! Need help NOW!" on the online boards and don't bother to post a pic of their troubles so others can help them. Or the ones who drive two hours to go to a LYS so someone else can bind off a few stitches for them. These same knitters will often tell you that they've been knitting for 20 years but just don't like the binding off part.  Worse, I met someone who told me she had been knitting for something like 10 years and then asked someone to show her how to purl. (I guess she was speaking literally when she said she'd been "knitting" for something like 10 years.)

There are many knitters out there who are "like that" (sort of like I'm one of those yoga people who are "like that"), and some days I wonder why they bother to knit, anyway. I mean, if it causes so much stress, why bother? Is the February Lady sweater that important? Why not pick something up that gives you pleasure and doesn't send you screaming into the night?

Okay. Rant over. I guess what made me think of bad yogis and bad knitters was this little Buddha Cat that my friend gave me this past weekend (you should check out his Buddha Cat Soap of Enlightenment, hysterical). She read my last post and knew of a potter in Venice who makes these yogi animals and picked one up for me. The potter, Gary Steinborn at Venice Clay, writes that these little figures are meant to help you to remember to approach your practice with humor.

I shall remember that.

BTW: I'm trying to get started on that Two Socks thing and HWWV set up a little studio for me so I could take clear pictures. This is what it looks like. I better get moving because guests are arriving on Sunday.

Sweet Dreams 'till "Sunbeams" Find You

There must be something wrong with me because whenever I find a spot on the floor over there at that fancy yoga joint I go to, the first thing that comes to mind as I prepare myself for the hour and a half to come and all that it entails is: "Hey! Real Housewife of [insert the name of my home town here]: Don't you dare come in late with all your crap and drop it next to my head when I'm busy setting my intention and desperately turning my zen on!"

And truth be told, every practice, as I lay there worrying and wondering if that sort of thing will happen, and squeezing my eyes closed, five minutes into the beginning mediation six Real Housewives of [insert the name of my home town here] do that very thing. Plus, they slam the door behind them. Six times, six different times.

Now, the teacher of this particular class has said a thing or two about this sort of behavior. Thing is, it helps for about five sessions and then it comes back again.

But this past Wednesday, after a slew of fancy bags were dropped around us during moments when they shouldn't have, I got to wondering if anyone else in the room cared or noticed. Am I the only one who notices? Is everyone else in the room blissful and honestly focusing their thoughts into the general area of their third eye and being at One with, uh, whatever it is that one is supposed to be at One with?

Friends, I am convinced that I'm the only one who has issues. Because, and I'm telling this to you in all honesty and confidentiality, that I have, during these portions of the class, opened up my eyes and looked around at everyone and checked everyone out. Seriously. I have even sat up when everyone else is laying there so I could see for sure. No one, not even the teacher, had their eyes open during these moments of my cheeky behavior. So, bottom line (and it doesn't hurt that at least three people--almost always men--are snoring when I'm doing my peeking), I'm convinced that I am the only one who is stressed, cannot let go, and suffering through every ever-lovin' moment of those damn yoga classes. Not to mention the looking to your third eye part.

Whenever I try to look at my inner third eye, I get a vertigo attack. Seriously.

I try. I try. I do try. But I keep going to that place, thinking that some day some fairy will sprinkle his stardust on me and make me into a blissful human being, one who doesn't fall into a panic at a stop light for no reason, miss her mom like crazy and break into tears at a grocery checkout, or look in the mirror and see a pile of "stuff" that doesn't fit together into what she always thought would be a nice, neat Pottery Barn Moment.

I hate yoga.

Not to mention, I pulled a box of those "ready-to-go" wax strips out of my bathroom closet and let's just say, I think I just ripped a bit of skin off from under my nose.

BTW: This is yarn I'm swatching for an upcoming project. So far, I don't know what it will be, but this Madeline Tosh yarn is fascinating. The depth of the colors, the iridescent quality of the blue you see here. The deep red is Tosh Merino in Oxblood (a bit deeper than my old doc marten's; the yarn reminds me of Malabrigo but it seems to be a bit sturdier, if you will) and the blue colorway is Wren in Caspean. I asked for samples and they sent me these. I'll keep you posted on this...as well as that two socks thing. I have a friend, who wants to learn, and is coming to stay the weekend. While I show her, I'll try to take some pics, or at least some notes on the process so it is relevant. HWWV will be gone, shooting a fight, so you'll have to put up with my pictures.

When You Wanna Hold a Sigh (Try to Forget the Current Sweater)

I have a few fellow bloggers who use quotes here and there and I usually don't, but here you go:

"Love gotta hold on me baby... and it feels like a ball and chain." [twice]

Work even for about two minutes and yadda, yadda, yadda, and then:

". . . So you gotta, when you wanna hold a sigh, . .
You gotta hold him like it's the last minute in your life, baby. You gotta hold, whoa, whoa, hold him 'cause someday some weight's gonna come on your shoulders, babe, it's gonna feel too heavy, it's gonna weigh on you, it's gonna feel just like a ball, ball, ball, oh daddy, . . And a chain."

See you on the other side of this sweater. Because, my friends, it is kicking my butt, big time. (I will say, however, it will be fabulous . . . and it better be fabulous . . . by Wednesday.)

Meantime, we've had house guests, which contributes to some of my silence. If any of you remember The Garter Belt, know that one of the other Wendy's is in the house and doing fine. She's stateside now and is in the midst of few things, including relocating. And yes, I know that I seem to be holding a cigar an awful lot, but what the heck? My grandpa Herman the German (who wasn't German or named Herman) always had one and they make me happy. I don't really smoke them for real, but I confess that I use them as props. Plus, HWWV is always very happy to finish one for me.

BTW: Working on a photo essay, if you can call it a "photo essay," of how I happen to do two socks at one time. There are a lot of online resources, but if you want to see my wonky way of doing it, by all means . . .I will show you . . . (as long as you dpn people don't get all huffy.)

Don't Ever Believe What They Tell You. . . (and the Beauty of Knitting Two at a Time)

Whether you're knitting socks on four double pointed needles, five double pointed needles, a large circular, a tiny circular or two circulars, never believe what anyone tells you about knitting socks. Unless they live underneath your skin, their advice means nothing. Because, as far as I can tell, one's most favorite method for knitting socks may as well be a factor in their DNA and nothing else.

Now, I'm no expert and I never did go to a Sock Summit or read any book on knitting socks except for maybe two, but that's it. And I have never knit a pair of toe-up socks, so you may as well just click away right now, because, obviously, since I've never knit a pair of toe-ups, I have no idea about knitting socks.

Except for this: When I first started knitting, I'd go to my LYS and there would be a gal there who, at least every two weeks or so, would finish up a sock, weave in the ends, and throw it into the center of the table. With aplomb, she'd announce: "I'm done!"

And then someone (who wasn't a regular and not in-the-know) would say, "but don't you have to knit a second sock?"

"Oh no," she'd reply. "These are for my uncle, and he only has one foot."

So if you're like me and don't have one-footed relatives to knit for, and if you choose to knit socks, you will have to decide the best way to go about knitting a pair of socks. Some people do it the way most people do it: They cast on one sock at a time, and mostly on double point needles. They knit these sometimes slow and sometimes fast. Most--and I'm thinking it may be a bit of reach here, but not too much of a reach--don't finish a second sock right away when they do it this way. Why? Because, once one knits the first sock, the thrill is gone and casting on for that second sock is just too dire. Not rich enough. A trial. It's sort of like finishing up that perfect cup of coffee and not quite knowing if the second one will be as good. And then when you go get that second cup of coffee, sure enough, one sip, and you're done.

But this is just my opinion--the second cup of coffee opinion.

A Sock on Double Points

• portable
• can cause "ladders" if your tension isn't great
• double points can double as a weapon
• people think that double points are quicker than the alternative; they say that with circs they have to "adjust" too often, but my argument is that you have to adjust at least two times as much with double points
• some double points come in beautiful woods that are wonderful to work with
• you can only work one sock at one time (unless you're Houdini)
• My LYS owner has said that she prefers knitting a pair of socks on double points but mixes it up this way to keep things interesting: Work one cuff, place on hold. Work the second cuff (in the case of someone requiring two socks), place it on hold. Then work the ankle portion, place it on hold. Work the second ankle portion. Place it on hold...and so on...

A Sock on One Long Circular (Magic Loop)

• portable
• fiddly when casting on, but not a big deal, really
• it's a good idea to have a nice quality circular needle that has a flexible and thin cable
• unless you are adept at Magic Loop, it can be tedious (knit for 30 sts, do a flip, knit for 30 sts, do a flip. aye, aye, aye, aye)
• after a few rounds you will wonder why you're not doing two socks at at a time, what with all this flipping and do-hicking
• a circular needle can double as a weapon. . . or a tourniquet in a pinch, come to think of it.

One Sock on a Short Circular (like 8" long. Oy.)

• portable
• your hands will cramp up so badly that you will die
• . . . or when you do die, the last thought in your head will have something to do with these super-short circulars
• if your hands do not cramp up, then you can go to the LYS and brag about it . . . for years. They may even give you free yarn or a trip to Disneyland
• perfect for working socks underneath your desk at work because you need practically no arm movement to knit a stitch
• Buy Hiya Hiya needles if you're interested
• You can only knit one sock at a time (unless you are Houdini knitting socks for miniature rats)
• Not so good as weapons

Two Socks at one Time on Two Circulars

• this is my chosen method, but it isn't perfect
• portable
• requires investing in two same-sized needles, although having them at two different lengths is a plus
• you'll want to cast on one cuff, work a few rounds, place on hold, then do so with the second sock. Thread the two on the two needles to work in tandem. Then, work the heels and gussets separately, and then work again in tandem to the end.
• if you aren't careful, the two yarn balls can get tangled
• you will always have stripes that match
• the socks will be the same size
• second sock syndrome? Forget about it!
• must know and understand Magic Loop-ish knitting technique, although you're using two circular needles
• you can impress your friends (although dpn's are impressive on their own)
• when someone asks you why the needles you're using are connected, just tell them that they are that way so you won't lose one of them
• finished or not, there will always be two socks

Knitting One Sock Inside the Other (Two at a time)

• portable
• only for people who enjoy the idea of plucking their eyebrow hairs out. . . in entirety, and drawing them back on perfectly so they don't look surprised
• no, I'm kidding. This technique isn't for people who enjoy the pain of plucking their eyebrows out. More like it's only for people who like to take a lot of tests, hard tests, in high school, college and those IQ tests on Facebook that aren't so hard, but heck. If you're taking Facebook IQ tests, then you must be a glutton for punishment and might like this technique
• Not too much fun unless you enjoy taking tests and discussing quantum physics while under water
• Shoot. You could probably brag about these socks, but you won't be getting a trip to Disneyland from your LYS, that's for sure

If you want me to, I will cast on for socks and show you how I go about it. I can't teach you magic loop, but I can, at least, show you how the two-at-a-time-thing is done.

Tweens

It's official. I have finally hit the wall when it comes to my wardrobe. I can no longer shop in the department I used to shop. I try. I do try. But the leggings. Those skinny jeans. I can't for the life of me get used to "the look," or the idea of "the look," on me. For one, I'm no longer a teenager or youthful in the sense of "youthful." Sure, you might look at me and say I'm youthful, but when you say it, you're comparing me to my closer-to-fifty-than-forty counterparts.

I guess, when it comes to those skinny jeans, I can't get out of my mind how hard I used to have to point my toes to get on the 80's version of skinny jeans. Of course, they were by Jordache and totally fantastic, but when I wore those, I was at the age where it didn't bother me that, after a 10-minute struggle to get the suckers over my heels, I still had to lay down on the bed and use a wrench to pull up the zipper.

These days, the mere thought of wrenching myself into a pair of jeans just sends me.

At least, with all the knitting, I can spend hours and hours dreaming of how great I'll look and feel with the object on. Shoot, come to think of it, in the long run, all the unfinished projects laying over there in a heap just might be a good thing.

BTW: Girlfriend's Candy Corn Socks (Vesper Sock Yarn) are complete! Funny, I keep making her socks a little too short and small. I must think that she's smaller than she really is. Those kids, they do grow fast and next thing I know, *shudder,* she'll be shopping in the junior department.

EDITED TO ADD: A couple of weeks ago when we were in that garage, Mina's garage, for her going-away garage sale, a lady was looking at some mini carpet stain buster contraption.  She asked Mina if it was ever used, and Mina said she used it once, so she would ask for a firm fifteen bucks. The lady then stood there for a second, thinking about the whole thing and next thing I knew, about five of us gals were talking about tight jeans. . . there was wine involved so I can't remember how it came up.

Wait: I do know how it came up. Maybe it was me, or maybe it was someone else, not Mina, who complained about the warmth in the garage and blamed it on a hot flash. The gal holding the stain buster said she worked at an OB-GYN and knew a thing or two about hot flashes. Then someone said, "Hey, I must need some sort of hormone replacement what with all the discomfort (here in the garage) and she said, the lady with the stain-buster said, "oh, I see a lot of that, and I took a lot of those hormones and gained a lot of weight in the process!" Then someone said, "Well, it's been a long time since I took those hormones, it must have been, oh,  back during the disco days when those tight, shiny pants were in style," and then the lady holding the stain-buster said: "Oh yeah, I remember those tight pants. They gave us a lot of business, there at the office."