knit and tonic

All the Things I Didn't do.

You know how it is. You have an event that's coming up, maybe someone's leaving for a vacation and you'll be alone or maybe you know that you'll be seeing people you haven't seen for ages so you decide that you'll do all manner of things that will magically transform you into a better version of yourself.

In my case, this past July, I decided, when Girlfriend and HWWV boarded a plane for Southeast Asia, that I would, while I was all alone:

1. Clean out my closet
2. Write three chapters
3. Work out like nobody's business
4. Clean out my closet
5. Eat only organic
6. Possibly get some sort of plastic surgery that no one would notice except they'd think I was somehow looking very rested
7. Clean out my closet

I did nothing of the sort.

This is how the summer has been for me. I am disappointed. I was home alone for two weeks and did nothing but cry--for two days, but who is counting?--and then the rest of it, after they came home, I stared at my computer plotting how I'd transform myself into a new version of me while yelling downstairs at Girlfriend to turn the channel already and that Spongebob Squarepants is a bad influence.

BTW: Girlfriend starts a new school tomorrow. She has a best friend who has followed her there. Somehow, I wish that she were facing the new school alone. I attended many schools over the course of my education and even though I didn't like it at the time, looking back, it was a good thing. I mean, how else would I feel comfortable telling all of you and every random checker at the Albertson's Grocery that I had an iffy summer and that I am the only one on the block who can do a Fireman's Jump?*

*Not that I would expect you to know what a Fireman's Jump is. In true Bernard Fashion, long ago my brother and I decided that the Fireman's Jump is an unattainable feat for mere mortals, i.e., everyone but us. It has to do with running really fast toward the pool and jumping in but managing to keep your shoulders and head above water as you land. There are only three people who can do it that I have found: Me, my brother Marc, and Girlfriend. So, maybe this summer wasn't so bad after all.

Woot.

This is probably the third year in a row that we haven't done our usual getaway that we used to do this time of year. We just don't have the money.

And looking back to when Girlfriend got out of school in June, I'm wondering where the heck the time has gone.

We did manage to go to the beach this past weekend along with just about every other individual living in Southern California.

I knit a hat.

The sand didn't bother it.

My fingers didn't get sweaty.

And if sunscreen got in it, it'll wash out.

I'm one of those.

I'm also one of those who gets a little twitchy when strangers come up to me and ask me if I'm crocheting. I don't know why it bothers me so much because I like to crochet too, but I'm KNITTING. I can honestly handle just about every other question in the universe (except for when people walk up to me, look at Girlfriend and ask me if she's mine). I will admit that certain comments/statements are a different story, however. The ones that bother me the most are:

". . . Is it just me or (insert some subtle sarcastic anything here). . . ?"

". . . Am I missing something or (insert some subtle sarcastic anything here) . . . ?

"How cute is that?" (Shouldn't it be: "That's cute." or "Isn't that cute?") This phrase will work with just about any adjective and is equally annoying to my ears.

"Squee."

"Woot."

The worst thing about these statements that bug me is that they happen a lot in the knitting world. As in:

"Is it just me or does your stitch count on the ruffle section have an incorrect number?"

"Am I missing something? I ordered your pattern .12 nanoseconds ago and it still isn't in my in-box."

"That hat pattern on that fake newborn baby: How cute is that?"

"Loopy Ewe just added new stock! Squee!" (Woot works here, too.)

Okay. You got me on a so-so day. It has been a doozy.

But the good news is: The weekend is going to be Temari Ball-tastic.

BTW: No, it's not your imagination. Someone's hair is on that ball. And it isn't mine.

Oh, Wait:

I was going to tell you all about the crazy aquarium we purchased about five months ago after Girlfriend accomplished all manner of accomplishments, you know: keep the room clean, make bed, take out trash, weed, yadda yadda for four or five weeks straight and then we went to Petco for an aquarium and then it all began.

Since then, we could have had a community-wide fish fry based on the number of fish that have perished.

That creepy frog Godot escaped and I imagine him waiting for me behind some warmish place (toilet?) and Jumbo, the shrimp, died on Gfriend's bathroom floor after the dogs played with him while we slept. Emily died. Ian hasn't yet, but he's looking like he's ready.

And then I was going to tell you about how I jumped the shark and decided that it was okay to go to a place called Hurricane Harbor, a Six Flags place that is a water park. I should have thought longer and harder about suggesting that we go. We spent 30 bucks a person to get in and then seven bucks for each innertube or whatever you call it. Sheesh. I spent a better part of four hours policing those innertubes. I even confronted a scary dude who decided that he could take one of our five. "That's ours!" I told him. "You don't have an orange wrist band! I'm going to go get my husband! Wait here!" And so, I marched off in my tankini to get HWWV and he was busy so I grabbed my ex-boyfriend/now-a-friend who is decidedly taller and what did he do? He basically said: "Take it, bro; be my guest."

So that's what I get from a tall ex from 30 years ago? He let's the bad guy get one of my innertubes?

That day, I became the innertube fuhrer.

I tell you what: Sometimes I wonder if I should take my knitting to more places. Maybe if I showed that innertube stealer delinquent my needles he would have understood just how crazy I am. And that I'd use them on him, or better yet: force him to watch me knit a round.

I'm sure, after a minute or two of that, he'd give up and let me have my innertube back.

But back to what it is that I wanted to tell you: If you lose someone you love who was very, very sick, when you dream of them, they won't be so sick anymore. They may even be as you remember them when they were healthy.

I didn't believe it when people told me this, but it is true.

When I dream of my mother, she is healthy.

That is what I want you to know.

BTW: Here's a Public Service Announcement. Never use expired 70 SPF sunscreen.

The Knitter's Curiosity Cabinet - Commentary and Giveaway

When I recieved Hunter Hammersen's book, The Knitter's Curiosity Cabinet, I was immediately intrigued, probably not because I don't have a curio cabinet of my own, although my grandmother did have one.

Years later, like 20 years later, I can totally see in my mind's eye what she had in her curio cabinet because as a child, I used to stare in there for hours. There was one nude that my grandfather sculpted and other than that, lots of china, some doo-dads and years later, a cake topper that I scultped for them for their 50th wedding anniversary.

I always admire people who have purposeful collections. Not a crap load of stuff, but you know, collections of items that are kept free of too much dust and that are thoughtfully arranged or re-arranged on a pretty regular basis. Girlfriend has a collection of these tiny erasers that are shaped like hot dogs, triple-dip ice cream cones and the like. She takes them out of this big box and arranges them here and there and then admires them. She shows me and at first I think she's just a kid and then I recall all of the stacks of fabric that I take out of a big bag and arrange and re-arrange on my bed while I lay there at night some times and realize that I guess we all have our stuff. 

As for Hunter, she has taken botanical illustrations and admired them and used the inspiration to create a pair of socks from each of her collected illustrations plus another item. I've been studying stitch patterns lately and from what I can tell, she has very carefully selected patterns that invoke the mood and sway of her botanical prints.

Mood and Sway?

I think you know what I mean.

There are 20 patterns in this book. They are all charted and not all are written out line by line. So, if you like to work from charts, this would be a good book for you. I particularly like the cover pattern, the Chrysanthemum Frutescens Sock pattern.  Most of the yarns in the book are easily found online and substituted with light-weight yarns.

Hunter wants to give one of my readers a copy of this book.

You know the drill: Leave a comment and this time, tell me what you collect in your comment. Today is Tuesday and on Friday I'll do a random drawing.

 COMMENTS CLOSED

Congrats to Kate who won a copy of this book!

 

I'm Blaming Loretta.

Boy, I have pretty much decided that people who own aquariums must love real-life drama. I'm serious when I say this because I thought, when we took home our very own and got it all started, that it would be everything that it hasn't turned out to be.

Last night, our Bamboo Shrimp, Lucky Stripe, aka "Jumbo" got out. And Godot did too. I only know this because this morning Girlfriend came around my side of the bed, tugged at my sleeping arm and said "Mom, I'm not sure if Jumbo molted on my bathroom floor or if Jumbo somehow got into my bathroom."

This bathroom we're talking about is about 25 feet from the aquarium.

And then I looked into the tank (after seeing Jumbo there on her floor) and I realized Godot was missing too. We only had that frog for about a week and let me tell you, he grossed me out plenty. He'd hide for ages (hence his name) or hang out in his cave with his four limbs planted on the four corners and stare back at me. Maybe he was plotting his getaway but problem is, he's now missing too and we haven't found him.

I will surely die a thousand deaths if I step on something squishy in the middle of the night.

Or maybe he plotted with Lucky Stripe, aka Jumbo, for a getaway while I wasn't looking and he became Loretta's snack. Ugh.

Never ending freshwater aquarium drama, I tell you. I should contact a local freshwater magazine and ask if they want an aquarium columnist who specializes in wonky ph balance, escaper and swimming sideways stories.

On knitting news. Well, there's plenty, but it isn't half as interesting as what is going on in and around that dang tank.

1. I'm knitting my first chemo cap. This one is jaunty. It's not for me but for a family member.

2. I think yarn bombing is a waste of time.

3. I will not knit a cozy for that tank.

4. I have officially spent 8 hours knitting one 4-inch swatch. It wasn't a good time.

5. The chicken is almost done so I have to wrap this up.

6. Knitted socks are completely underrated. Especially the ones that are just stockinette.

7. When your husband wears them till they die, it is a compliment.

8. When your daughter wears them till they die it is even more of a compliment.

9. People, knit socks for your loved ones. And don't use worsted weight yarn.

That is all for today.

Except this: I probably won't be able to eat shrimp again. For your eyes only: Jumbo, aka, Lucky Stripe, on Girlfriend's bathroom floor. (How the heck did he get there?) 

 

Being Alone and All the Lost Promises

Awhile back, Girlfriend and HWWV left to visit his family far, far away. The first day I cried a lot and then I decided to buck up and get. things. done. Get lots of things done. You know: like, clean the closets, vacuum a lot, finish two chapters of the book, keep things really pristine, read a lot. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Go to the gym every day. Look glamorous.

I should know better by now.

Let's just say I didn't accomplish much of anything that I planned.

I did sew stacks of cocktail napkins even though the last time I had a cocktail party was, oh, uhm, never.

I completed those Mitini Mitts from Blue Sky Alpacas. Remember how I said I weighed the yarn before, in between and after? Folks, check your gauge because this was a nail biter. I actually enjoyed the suspense. The mitts are adorable. I had just one gram of yarn left over. (My gauge was a bit loose so the drama was my fault.)

And I was glamorous--never--but in my mind, heck yes. 

Oh, and I taught a class and did a book signing. The class was all about semi-circular shawl construction. When I walked in, one student said, "Hey, I thought you'd be, I don't know, maybe less serious, in person. Then another student said: "Yeah, and I always pictured you with a southern accent, or maybe like a southern belle."

?

So, the class was fun and everyone was fantastic. We had a great time. But the comments about me not being the way others thought I would be in person baffled me. 

And then it hit me as I was driving home: They were confusing me with Crazy Aunt Purl!

Other news: I'm doing a Custom Knits Accessories KAL on Ravelry, in my Knit and Tonic Group. The kick-off is tomorrow. This time, we're encouraging lots of customization and there will be lots of yarn prizes as well as a Pattern Fairy who will stop by and shower Knit and Tonic patterns on participants. And yes, the Pattern Fairy is me. I won't try to fool you like my neighbor whose son is at least 13 and is still bamboozled by his parents who insist on keeping Santa and the Easter Bunny alive for him.

Like I said to Girlfriend when she asked me about the Easter Bunny while driving home from school a couple months ago (age 9): "Mom, is the Easter Bunny real?"

"Think about it and decide for yourself." I said. "Do you really think a bunny can deliver hard-boiled eggs and candy to everyone who celebrates in one night?"

"Maybe," she said.

In my defense, I asked her an honest question.

But when it comes to yarn, a gram is a gram is a gram. Check your gauge and go forward and be fabulous.

Cast On Bind Off Book Review and Giveaway

When it comes to casting on and binding off I have basically done it the same way since the day my grandmother taught me. Except for one of them. Grandma was a basic knitter. When she cast on to knit, she did the backward loop method. This is super easy to teach to people first learning to knit. I don't think she knew of any other way, but I assume--and I can't ask her if this is the case because she doesn't remember me anymore--that she didn't know any other type of cast on.

Anyway, I think I have told the story to you before, but I knit a bunch of swatches when I was little and that was pretty much it. Kind of like Girlfriend has done. And then I dropped knitting. Kind of like Girlfriend has done. And then in high school I knit a long striped scarf for a boyfriend and it rolled furiously and most passionately (I didn't yet know the part about adding a garter edge) and he loved it anyway. Then I never knit until I was pregnant with Girlfriend. But sitting there on a Friday afternoon a long time ago in the LYS, I showed off a sweater that I had altered to be a maternity tank. I was so proud. Then the owner walked over and tut-tutted about something. I asked what was wrong and she sneered, "What kind of cast on did you use? A backward loop? That is not good, not good at all!" And the rest of the group nodded in agreement.

Well, let's just say later I quietly checked out other options and settled on the long-tail cast on in secret. Since then, and it's been about nine years, that is the only way I have cast on except, of course, when I'm needing to do a provisional or cast on in the midst of a row and then either backward loop or cable cast on gets thrown in. What I'm getting at are actually two things.

Numero Uno: Never shame someone when they're doing something for pleasure. It's not fracking rocket science and who the heck cares if I used a dang backward loop?

Niban: If you have a no-nonsense guide to a multitude of cast ons and bind offs that will serve you well and it's not the likes of a huge encyclopedia that can double as a weapon should a burglar try to break in, then Leslie Ann Bestor's Cast On Bind Off will be a great book for you.

Although I'm perfectly happy doing the three or four in my personal repertoire, I really like the idea that instead of fiddling at the top of a top-down cap (I knit my caps and berets from the top down most of the time) that there are two in the book that will suit me well. There's a Circular Cast On that uses a crochet hook and then there's the Invisible Circular Cast On that does not. Both are pretty simple and from now on, I'll use them when I knit or design new caps. She also covers provisional cast ons, which are obviously on my radar with all the top-down stuff I do, as well as multi-color cast ons that look pretty easy. All techniques are shown side-by-side with step-by-step photography.

The only thing I didn't find--and to tell you the truth I don't know if they exist--are multi-color bind offs, which I would really like to try.

Her publisher will award a copy of this resource to randomly selected commenter on Knit and Tonic. All I ask is that you leave a comment with your favorite cast on or bind off method.

I'll leave this post open until Friday, July 13th (whoops!) and alert the winner via email. Thanks for playing!

BTW: There is a whole Blog Tour going on. If you want to increase your chances of winning, here are the next three blogs in the tour: Zeeneedle, Ramblings of an uncluttered mind and Neoknits.

Comments are now closed. Thanks everyone for joining in! Congratulations, Stacy D!

Singing Roy Orbison Songs Right About Now

I just came home after leaving the house for a couple of hours. Things are sad in here. Girlfriend and her dad left for the other side of the globe last night. They got on a flight at 1:44 a.m. and as I type, they are still in the air. They won't be at their destination for awhile yet. I am sad and feeling alone.

Much of the time, Girlfriend drives me crazy. Anyone with a little one will attest to that. Kids just drive you nuts. Funny thing is, though, once she is gone I'm sad and I miss her.

On a typical day she asks me so many questions that I cannot answer. Almost so much, that I want to fling myself out the window.

"Hey mom. What is a coincidence?"

"Hey mom. Who is your favorite Muppet?"

"I like Miss Piggy, but Elmo is another favorite."

"Elmo isn't a Muppet, mom."

"Yes, he is."

"No, he's not."

"He is."

"He's not."

"Is."

"Not."

"Is."

"Nuh huh."

"Huh huh."

"Nuh huh."

And so on.

So I've been sad and they haven't even landed yet.

They'll be gone two weeks.

For now, I'll avoid the house and try to do some work (and have some wine). 

I did ask Girlfriend to take a picture of something that interested her each day while she is away. And on her layover in Taipei she sent me this picture.

I am very pleased. She must take after her mom--in terms of her sense of humor, that is.

Meanwhile: I am working on those Mitini Mitts. I have so much time on my hands that I actually weighed the ball, then weighed one completed mitt before casting on for the second one. This pattern is supposed to take just one ball. Guess what? The finished mitt is 17 grams. The remaining yarn is just over 17 grams. The total ball weight before knitting? Just around 35 grams. Tonight, while I finish the second mitt, should be interesting...

They Gave us Their Hairs and We Sighed

When you're around so much yarn, you get jaded. I mean, when there's just so much around you, you eventually become indifferent. Yeah, over there is the Woolmeise. Over in that corner there is the Koigu. And back there, is the Rowan.

You know I'm kidding, right?

Even though I'm not a sucker for some yarns, particularly handspun, superwash wool, super duper chunky and junky, or metallics (unless used with panache and a pointy pinky) if you give me a neat-o package with something beautifully done, maybe a little ball of something with a matching pattern that does it justice (and is portable) I will probably inhale just-so.

When you see this, I think you'll know what I mean.

When I was at TNNA the other week, I stopped by the Blue Sky Alpacas booth and nearly swooned when I saw this little ball of their Royal Alpaca and accompanying pattern for Mitini Mitts. Normally they package this yarn in larger skeins, but they had a fantastic idea to package these "petites" and sell the little balls and patterns that just take only one ball. The pattern is just amazing. You open the little booklet and in there is the pattern and a little postcard showing one of the alpacas who gave their hairs so that we can knit. (I like to say "hairs" because it always reminds me of a woman who used to come into the salon--yes, I was once a hair stylist--and plop herself down and say "I need my hairs cut. They've gotten really long. Yup, Those ones in the front, they're really pesky!")

Anyway, I've cast on for the mitts and lucky for me, I have plenty of young ladies around me who'd love a pair.

In the meantime, for those of you who are celebrating Independence Day, I hope you are safe and happy. I also hope that you don't get stuck at a community pool like the one in our neighborhood. (It's so crowded it even had a Facebook page at one time.) The other day, I had myself in such a lather over the crowds, the noise, the clueless parents who allow their babies wearing diapers into the already slimy hot tub, those who insist on filling the postage stamp-sized pool with huge blow up toys and runover the little ones, yadda yadda. Sheesh, I was so lathered up that I fantasized about stabbing the toys with my size two circulars. Lucky for me, I managed to end the day without incident.

And if you were me, you wouldn't, either. Just look at that yarn and breathe! It works *nearly* every time.

Things I Have Learned While Traveling.

This past week, I traveled to Columbus, Ohio for TNNA (It's a Needle Arts Association meet-up) to sign books and see other designers and yarnies and pretty much anyone else who is interested in making a living in these-type arts/businesses. I always know what to expect at these things--well I used to not know what to expect but now I do--and it is actually a lot of fun but tiring too, especially if you're someone like me who doesn't enjoy traveling alone.

First and foremost: The event was great. I got to see some designer friends who I only get to see at these meetings and I loved talking with literally hundreds of shop owners and other attendees for whom I signed books.

Second and most top of mind, to quell my fear of flying and being in situations that make me scared, I decided from the get-go that I'd take a mental note of the things that amuse me while I did whatever it was that I had to do. Not necessarily knit-related, either. Sorry. Knitting is a biggie for me but other things are more interesting sometimes. I mean, really: All we have is knit, purl, knit through back loop, purl through back loop, knit one below, purl one below, twist to the left, twist to the right, ssk, k2tog (the hardest one to type), make one, knit front and back . . .

Oh Wait: Maybe I should take my last assertion back. We have plenty to think about beyond knit and purl. Probably at least as much as an Olympic diver has to worry about while standing on that really high platform wearing teeny tiny Speedos. Har. Please don't get me started.

• If you go to the Burbank Airport it is best to have wine before you go through security. Otherwise, you may not get the opportunity to talk up two friendly strangers from north of Bakersfield picking up a niece. Not such an unusual thing, except they hadn't traveled and were both carrying luggage. She ordered a Singapore Sling.

• If you're in the window seat on the second leg of a long journey don't fall for the guy smushed in the middle of you and the guy on the isle who claims he's starving. I fell for it and handed him a packet of the black pepper crackers that came with my eight-dollar "fruit and cheese plate." He proceeded to pass wind to the tune of black pepper for the next hour. When he grumbled how hungry he was again, I again handed him the other packet of crackers that came with the "meal." This time a nice buttery flavor. Take a wild guess what happened for the next two hours.

• Wait a day before you exclaim to the bartender "Wow! Those Garden Association Folks are really rowdy!" until after the next night, when the knitters actually arrive and settle in. The knitters totally blow the gardeners away. And I'm serious when I write this.

• Hide your iPad in your dirty pajamas when you leave your room at the Hyatt Regency, Columbus.

• If you happen to be in Columbus during the the local festival ComFest, you might want to skip it. People go semi-naked. And let me tell ya, I'm pretty sure Megan Fox and/or Levi Johnson don't attend ComFest. I confess I was warned by the locals.

• On the way home, specifically on the first leg and longest of your journey, pray that you don't get stuck sitting next to the gal reading "50 Shades of Grey." (Bold and italic intentional. Really, really intentional.)

The End.

Here's me signing books at the Unicorn Booth. In total Wendy Fashion, I forgot to ask anyone to take pics until the thing had ended. So, after everyone left, I found my tech editor, Sue McCain, and asked her to look interested in what I was doing.

BTW: Head on over to Jimmy Beans Wool. They're having a book giveaway of Custom Knits 2.